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--daniel

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[
July 23, 2006
]
i feel bad with what i wrote about my mom. i really don't feel that way about her. i love my mother.
0 comments, reply

[
July 23, 2006
]
[ mood | cynical ]

I hate my fucking parents. I hate my fucking mother for venting everything she has in her fucking mind on me. I hate my fucking dad for cheating on her, leaving her, trying to cut off all money to her. I hate them both. I love my mother, but I hate her at the same time. I'm on the verge of killing my father.

Everytime he went to Iraq I was pleasured. I wanted him to die. I wanted him to caught so I could relish in the attention, the pain that I knew my father endured, and the fact that he's no longer an obstacle in my life. I would get a surge of money, due to his life insurance. That is what he gets for cheating on my mother with a Mexican. Right now, Mexican's aren't on my favorite list of people right now. I want to kill my dad, his girlfriend, and her three kids. He took them camping, yet he never did the same to me and sisters. Why? Because he's a little fucking faggot who was so insecure he had to inject an [unknown to me] substance into his fucking miniscule penis. He also ruptured a womans colon, probably due to a toy, and left her, and also didn't pay for her surgery.

He went to Iraq twice. I was hoping he'd stay everytime. He thinks he has control of me, but he doesn't. He thinks that I love him, but I don't. He had the pleasure of hearing me tell him that I hated him; that I wished he had died in Iraq; that I never loved him, and that everytime I did say it, it was a lie; that I thought he was ugly and was embarrassed when my friends saw him due to his supreme ugliness. He has panda eyes to the extreme. He also has an eating disorder, and PTSD due to a helicopter crash in 1997 where he had to fly through a huge fireball when two Helicopters crashed into eachother.

The helicopters were doing a manuever and were to cross in front of eachother, but instead, they crashed into eachother. All the pilots in the Cobra's were killed. Either they were burnt alive, or completely sliced to pieces from the blades. My dad got to fly through the fireball that consumed their deaths. I feel for those men that died. My deepest regards to them and their families. But for my dad, in my opinion, it was the greatest thing to happen to him. He got PTSD, and is now starting to have his mental breakdown. I love the fact that he's fucked up, probably has nightmares, and now realizes that his only son hates him, and wished he had died in Iraq so he could gain money from his life insurance.

I get a power rush and a surge of pleasure everytime I tell horrible things to my dad that I really do wish to happen to him. There is one that I'm holding back, and that's due to my respect of my Great-Grandfather. I met my Great Grandfather and loved him - he was a great man, a WWII vet. My dad's father was an alcoholic and left my dads mother, and his sister, and him. His mother had a mental breakdown, gained an eating disorder, and ultimately had a heart attack and wasn't found dead until three weeks later when my Great Aunt found her body in a state of decomposition.

Anyway, my Great-Grandfather was the only male influence on my dad, and he was also the only man that cared for him, and largely, the only person who he could relate to, since his mother was overprotective and I'm assuming had a mental breakdown as well, due to stress with the fact that she was extremally poor and raising two kids. My Aunt Carrie, and my dad.

My Great-Grandfather ultimately got Alzheimers Disease. He died of brain cancer at the age of 84. I'm on the verge of telling my father, "I hope you get Alzheimers, just like the only man who ever cared about you." I want him to get Alzheimers. But I also want him to die just now so I can get his life insurance. He's a cruel fucker and deserves the most unusual and painful of deaths.

I do admire what he has done, however. Managing to become a Marine Corps Colonel, and a CH-46 pile, and managing to go to college when he was extremally poor. The people that claim that the poor have no way of getting to college are just Liberal fucktards who think that the lazy should get all the benefits of the hard working.

My mother. I love my mother, and I would hate for her to die. It would disturb me if she ever did. But she needs to quit venting to me. I could handle it the first year, but now I'm getting sick and fucking tired of it. It's just the same shit she's repeating over and fucking over again. She complains that she's fat, yet she's not; she complains that the house is messy, when all it takes is just getting the dishes in the sink into the dishwasher; she complains about everything. Pretty much 98% of all the sentences that come out of her mouth are complaints. Complain, complain, com-fucking-plain. I'm sick of it.

She comes home, yells and bitches about how I made a mess.

She wakes up, yells and bitches about how I made a mess.

I don't even make that big of a mess. But all she's focused on is how messy the house is. If one fucking book is out of order, she complains. Yet she doesn't do shit about it since I'm her personal fucking servent. She complains that she's going to get screwed, yet until lately, she's been laying in bed complaining. She complains about a stupid decision she made in real estate, and yeah it was stupid. But fuck. Get over it. That option will come again. Just fucking learn from your mistake and not do it again.

I know I'm going to get a comment about "OMG WELKOM 2 DA REL LIF OMG U LIF DOZENT SUK". Well guess what, Charlie? It fucking does. I don't see every other person with a mother on the brink of suicide screaming at me because I want to buy Creatine, and my bathroom is messy. I don't see every other person with a delusional father with PTSD who is anorexic and injects chemicals into his penis due to his insecurities. I know some people claim they have shitty lives. But I know I'm one of the few who can really classify theirs as shitty. Most people don't have to deal with such a bitter, ugly divorce that they discover the week before they move to a different side of the fucking country, into a different culture, and different state. Most people don't have mentally fucked up parents.

All I have going for me are my looks and intelligence. I'm smarter than 99% of all people according to the US education system where I scored post-college level English when I was in the third fucking grade. I'm also quite good looking, and have a very nice body. Physically, I'm near perfect. This crisis in my life makes me more confident in myself. It makes me look inward to me, and where all I think about it how to advance my social and economic status. That's a good thing. To survive in this world, you can only think of yourself, and a select few people. The rest are just obstacles that need to be overcome.

Whoever said teenagers have no right to complain because their lives are great needs to get fucking shot.

[also, all typos and missing words are unintentional. i was ranting, and have no time to proofread]

0 comments, reply

pissed the fuck off. [
July 23, 2006
]
[ mood | pissed off ]

My mom won't let me buy myself some fucking Creatine. She won't give me the reasons why, she just tells me "OMFG GIVE ME ALL THE BAD THINGZ ABOWT IT B4 I LET YOU BUY IT LOLOLOLOLOL". I tell her there is nothing bad about it, and then she tells me, "I don't care, I still want to see the bad things about it." I tell her it's a naturally growing substance, and then she repeats "I still want to see the bad things about it."

There's no changing this stupid bitches opinion until she sees that someone has died using it, and then she'll tell me that she won't let me buy it then. It's my fucking money, I don't see why wants to become a fucking Communist and claim that it's hers, too. I got the fucking $100 by painting three closets. I want to buy muscle supplements with it, buy no. The dumb bitch probably won't even let me buy Whey Protein. It's not like I'm buying Steroids. But I can bet you that is what she thinks I'll do.

It's fucking Creatine. It's not like it's going to explode my muscles into the size of the fucking Amazon. All it does is increase strength, and general muscle mass. "OMFG IF HE UZES CREATINE HE'LL USE STEROIDS LOLOLOLOLOL." What a fucking dumbass. She probably thinks that, too, which is sad.

She needs to quit fucking putting me on a leash and controlling me and let me put what substances I want to put into my body. It's mine. Not hers. She's all like "omfg, u dont need it ne waiz". Well, I don't, but I want it. If I can quicken the rate, if I can make something better with a little supplements, then why not? Why go the slow route? Why the fuck can't I use something that makes something better? I'm not living in the fucking stone age. This shit was discovered in 1926, it's definitely been around a while. The only people who are against it are the unintelligent, ignorant, OMFG ANTI-DRUGZ, ANTI-SUPPLEMENTS LOL groups full of "concerned" parents.

Concerned parents are equal to parents who think that we should control our kids more. Too bad those kind of parents have shitty kids that end up doing more drugs than the liberal parents.

The only bad thing about it is that if you have shitty Kidney's it can mess them up, but in those couple of cases during the study, the kids stopped using it, and the issue was resolved without medication. It also in most of the patients caused added aggression, but that doesn't really matter. It's not like being more aggressive will hurt anything. =\

It's my fucking life, and it's my fucking body and I'm sick of people telling me what not to put into my body. I can smoke weed and not do stupid shit. The only time I did something stupid was get lost on my way back to school after I smoked it, and that's only because I was stoned as shit.

And Creatine doesn't even change your state of mind. It's a fucking muscle supplement.

She's so fucking stupid.


[meh, this is just a rant. i don't think my mom is a stupid bitch. only when she does something that i dont like. like telling me what not to do with my body. it's my fucking body.]

1 comments, reply

drugs plz lolz [
July 22, 2006
]
I want to buy some Cocaine. Or Methamphetamine. I want to know what it's like to be supremely fucked up.

[plus, if a weed orgasm feels good, meth must feel like 100x better since you know... people fuck like rabbits on it.]
4 comments, reply

[
July 16, 2006
]
[ mood | angry ]

I'm not gay.

I'm really not. Josh... he was just a release of sexual frustrations due to me not being confident enough to ask a girl out. I have liked girls all along, and like I said before... I was just too big of a wimp to even ask one out. Because I never had a girlfriend, and my clothes which my bought me and didn't know my size, I was percieved as gay. When I was not. Finally, I got tired of being called it, even though I wasn't really called it that much. So... I "came out of the closet." Bad decision. Now much of the school thinks I'm a fag, and on top of that, some of my friends do also. When I thought it was a good idea, I made myself look even more gay than I already did with my mother-bought clothes. I started talking like a fag, etc. I'm not a faggot. I'm not.

That decision back in early April was the worst one of my life. I tricked myself into believing I was until just a couple of weeks ago. I am -not- gay. I am straight. I do not get off on gay porn. The only time I did was when I forced myself to do it. I thought I was gay, and I told my friends so I tried my hardest to be it. I'm not a faggot, and I never will be. My clothes are a product of my mothers; now that I'm allowed to go to the store and get my own since I have my license, I can get my own damn clothes now. No more being labelled a faggot, flamer, gay, or whatever the hell rednecks say I am. I'm not. I'm not a fucking faggot. If anyone still thinks I am, I will kick their asses. Fuck, I even told people I didn't even know that I was... I'm such a dumbass.

You don't know how pissed I am at myself for making such a shitty decision. And I'm mad at myself again, because I actually tried to make myself look like faggot. I'm almost on the verge of trying to get my mom to switch my schools so I start off with a clean slate, and a good reputation. I can't do the sport that I like anymore. I enjoyed wrestling a lot, and I think that if I had not made such a dumbass decision back in April, I'd join again, and get good at it. Now I've closed myself off on all of the sports because of it.

I do like girls. I actually have a crush on three. I really like Audrey Lait... but she a boyfriend, which fucking sucks, since I've liked her ever since I met her in Drivers Ed. I like Courtney Hewitt, too, but I -think- she still has a boyfriend, but I'm not sure. If she doesn't, then fuck, I'll ask her out. And Michelle Steinbach... we have very similar personalities, and she's awesome, and I like her, too.

Lately, ever since the 4th, I've been working out a lot. I'm tired of being a skinny shit, and I want to bulk up a lot. So that nobody will mess with me, and to boost up my confidence. I already have a nice ass face. If I put up a couple more pounds of muscle, I'll be damn near perfect.

Meh, I also want to join the Marines. I've always wanted to, ever since I was twelve. I'm smart, mesomorphic, I can learn easily, and I'm trying to learn Arabic, Farsi and Spanish so I can get an awesome job in the USMC. Mainly Infantry, since I want to kill insurgents, help make Iraq a better place, etc. Every time a soldier over there dies, I want to join more and more. To get their revenge on the worthless cowardly insurgency over there. Fucking sand niggers.

My mom won't let me buy a gun, but I really want one. I'm against hunting, and all I'd have it for was for self-defense, and target practice and such. She's too liberal, and she doesn't trust me due to my past drug usage, which wasn't even all that bad. I only did Crack, Ectasy, DXM a couple of times, Dimenhydrinate a couple of times, Weed a couple of times [orgasm booster. >:O], and Codeine. It's not like I did a lot, and got addicted. And I've cleaned myself up, and will become completely clean at the start of my Junior year. I'll only smoke weed to jack off with, and maybe do Dimenhydrinate again. That was some creepy shit right there.

I'm going to buy a punching bag, and hang it up in my garage by my weight machine - it'll be the a 50 or 70lbs bag. I'll also be buying Creatine and Whey Protein to speed up my muscle growth. I can already see my pecs getting bigger. But what I really need are bigger dumbbells. My biceps aren't too big; only about 13" or 13.5". I'm pretty broad shouldered, though, so it's kind of weird looking. Shoulders are my strong point on my body, next to my 9" dick.

And Josh. You're such a little bitch. You cried when I took you home one day; you pouted another. You're a little attention-wanting faggot whore. If I see you next year, don't think I won't beat the shit out of you. My family thinks you're a pussy, and so do I. Be sure to avoid me. Since you'll probably end up in the hospital if I see you. You're a mark on my reputation, and because of you, I will never be able to enjoy my high school years as much I have wanted. I'm going to beat the fucking hell out of you. I can't believe I fucking "became gay" for you. I'm not gay, and I never will be, so fuck you. I want to fucking kill you.

So, yeah. To summarize...

*Josh, don't come near me or else I'll be the living flying fuck out of you.
*I'm going to buy Creatine and Whey Protein - muscle supplements.
*I'm going to start bodybuilding since lifting weights is almost like an addiction.
*Weed is great when you want to jack off.
*I'M NOT GAY.
*I'M NOT GAY.
*I'm straight.
*I'm going to join the Marine Corps after high school, take a college class per year while I'm in it so I'll have a college education. I may even do a re-enlistment. That or become and officer once I get my degree.
*I like Audrey, Courtney, and Michelle.

btw, there're a lot of typos in here but I don't give a shit.

1 comments, reply

Codeine in plan. [
June 15, 2006
]
Today I got my root canal.

Tonight I plan on taking three pills of Codeine. [30MG * 3 = 90MG. I had taken a pill earlier. At about 8 or so. I will wait six hours from that time until I take all three pills. I will have a report of my experience.]
1 comments, reply

Passed Driver's Ed. <3 [
May 8, 2006
]
[ mood | happy ]

Yup. I'm getting my permit on Thursday. My instructor [Coach Hines] said I was a bad driver. I hope I don't wreck anything... I'm going to have to drive a big ass Jeep before I get my first car. I really want a black Volvo... I love Volvo's. I so want a Volvo. Ah, and my birthday is in about twenty eight days, hooray!

0 comments, reply

[
May 6, 2006
]
Josh. I'm going to make you a couple CD's of my favorite songs.


Get ready for synth pop, trance, and techno overload.
0 comments, reply

weed [
May 5, 2006
]
I smoked it today.

It didn't do anything, but the guy's brother said the second time I do it, I'll be baked.
3 comments, reply

[
May 4, 2006
]
[ mood | nervous ]

It's my second day of driver's ed.

I didn't do too good... I'm going to listen to Jean and go much slower on Saturday. We go on the interstate that day... I'm scared.

0 comments, reply

[
May 3, 2006
]
[ mood | happy ]

I drove today! The insturctor put the brake on me about four times, and said I was a bad driver. I also drove at 40MPH. :3

And drove across my first bridge. It was like four feet long, though. We drove aroudn the parking lot, and in some neighborhood for a while. Tomorrow, we're driving on rural roads. :3

I didn't get to see Josh today. I'm saddened. But, I will see him tomorrow! Yay!





And if Patrick Stephenson doesn't leave me the fuck alone, I'm going to beat his ass. I've had enough with that little twat.








PS: I love Josh. <3

0 comments, reply

[
May 2, 2006
]
I went to the dentist!

Now I need a root canal, and three cavities to fill because my dad was a jackass and wouldn't let me go for three fucking years. I hate him. :3

Oh, I start driving in drivers ed tomorrow! I'm going to get my permit soon. :B
1 comments, reply

[
April 30, 2006
]
[ mood | pissed off ]

Oh my fucking god.
My mom just freaked out on me because I had her computer in the bathroom. I wasn't anywhere near the bathtub with it, either. Now she just screamed at me, about how she will never let me loose in a car because "I CAN'T TRUST YOU!!!!!!!". What a fucking bitch. She freaks out about little littles way too much. Part of me sometimes thinks that she kind of... deserved this divorce. I can see why my dad left her. She's a cold, mean, pessimistic bitch. I can't fucking stand her. I can't wait until I go to fucking college and leave this house and her behind.

Three more fucking years.


I hate her.

4 comments, reply

[
April 26, 2006
]
i went to chili's with my mom and josh.

i love josh. josh, josh, josh. :3




oh! i watched footloose, too! with my mom. :3
3 comments, reply

[
April 25, 2006
]
josh... don't be sad.
you will succeed.
if anyone messes with you, i'll kick their asses.
1 comments, reply

[
April 25, 2006
]
[ mood | awake ]

josh is upstairs in my bed sleeping
6 comments, reply

[
April 24, 2006
]
[ mood | happy ]

maha, my mom made josh and me walk the dogs with her
i went and saw ice age 2, also!
it was pretty good, not as good as the original, though
the original is much better
but this one is cute, too, though :3

...it had no humans.
that's what made the original so good.

aha! i also went grocery shopping!
i got a lunchable, some nerds, popcorn shrimp, and some microwaved dinners. :3


...i'm still waiting for e3.
7 comments, reply

[
April 24, 2006
]
[ mood | sad ]

josh is at my house
yay!

he's so boring
and never wants to do anything ):
2 comments, reply

[
April 24, 2006
]
[ mood | groggy ]

yay.
breakfast! and then i'm going to school.
i'm very tired.
but my cereal... oh it's so awesome!
multi grain cheerios with bananas in them!

yay!

okay, off to eat!
and then school
0 comments, reply

Josh = Amazing. [
April 24, 2006
]
[ mood | loved ]

This boy rocks my entire sock drawer. Srsly.
<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3
I HEART JOSH
7 comments, reply

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